


but i'm just the donut guy

by kwritten



Series: Noona-verse [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Infinite (Band), Miss A
Genre: Gen, Noona Verse, Werewolves, btvs/spn/kpop-rpf ridiculousness, but these four are the only ones that matter, hoya/jia, sungjong/minha, the gang's all here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:57:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5252498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwritten/pseuds/kwritten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a lot can happen when you're dating a slayer. hoya was perfectly content just being the stay-at-home-dad-guy, the donut guy, but the universe intervened. much to sungjong's eternal amusement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (first two chapters previously posted on lj - brought here because it's finally finished and should be put with the rest of the Noona 'verse)
> 
> Takes place after Origins.

There’s no one in the house. Literally no one. On a Wednesday evening around seven o’clock. Prime homeworking time. Perfect ‘shit I have a project due Friday and I didn’t forget but how is it already Wednesday’ time. Usual eating standing up or on the spare bit of room left over on the floor between battle axes and Min’s science project.

There’s no one back at the apartment either. 

At either apartment. 

Lee Howon stands in the Summers foyer and tries to remember where everyone is because nothing about this emptiness feels right. 

Dawn, Sungyeol, Myungsoo, and Suji are on a road trip down to visit Cordelia and have a student tour of UCLA. Which Sunggyu argued was a waste of time since they all should go to UC Sunnydale where it is safe. 

Sunggyu is pouting – caught a bus to go help Faith and Ruby with a particularly nasty something that he can’t actually help with and honestly going to them to pout was probably the worst idea he’s ever had, but Hoya also knows that his hyung is a glutton for punishment. 

Dongwoo has disappeared again. It’s the last in a long list of disappearances that Hoya has quit counting and Woohyun has pretended to stop counting and Sungyeol is doing a really, really bad job of pretending to only be angry for Woohyun’s sake. 

Which is probably the reason for Dawn’s sudden need for a road trip, if Sunggyu was smart enough to stop and think about … like… _facts_. He probably got about twenty minutes out of town before he realized what an ass he was being.

Hoya sat down on the couch and sighed.

Actually, he probably figured it out the minute he barked at Hoya to take him to the bus station but was too stubborn to back down once he said it. 

There was a certain amount of satisfaction for all parties involved at how damn smug Dawn had looked when she piled everyone onto the LA-bound bus. At least watching Sunggyu’s inevitable groveling would give Woohyun and Sungyeol something to look forward to.

Hoya furrowed his brow and thought. Min was running an after school program at the library during the week now, she spent so much time there studying that becoming part of management actually didn’t change her schedule in any noticeable way. Fei was practically walking on clouds about the outreach program Min had _single-handedly_ created for the East Asian community in town. Something about language tutors and karaoke battles. He was just glad no one had enlisted his help (though it was only a matter of time) (he had heard some whisperings about a summer camp). 

Anya was probably still at the Magic Box with Fei and Willow, Xander had seemed swamped at work when Hoya left only an hour ago, Spike and Dean had squirreled Woohyun away for a long weekend of debauchery to get his mind off things earlier that afternoon.

God alone knew where Sungjong was – probably chasing that immortal girl around as per usual. He’d send a txt if there was a problem.

The sun was nowhere close to setting, and Hoya had counted on being able to catch Jia before she went out patrolling with Buffy. 

Probably they were investigating reports of a vamp nest near the public swimming pool on the west end of town. It was smarter to attack when there was nowhere else for the vamps to go. Daylight pretty much insured that they stayed below ground. 

Hoya pulled out his phone and tabbed through his recent messages, smiling at the random things Jia had sent him throughout the day. Embracing her Slayer was just as scary as they both thought it was going to be. But it was also really okay. For one thing, _they_ were okay. For another, she had Buffy and Faith to mentor her through all the weird. And then there was Fei throwing herself into being a Watcher with an enthusiasm he hadn’t seen from her since… ever. It had always seemed to be there, lurking under the surface, but having a mission really suited Fei. She seemed more alive. And she was keeping Jia afloat even on the bad days.

He was just feeling a little helpless. It was just as important – he knew – to be the stay-at-home-dad while there was an apocalypse outside. And he really genuinely loved being the person that knew what soothed Suji’s nightmares and how to get Myungsoo to do his Social Studies homework and what Min’s crazy library-slash-social-calendar was every day. He was the person that knew where everyone was and how to help who needed help.

Except he couldn’t help his girlfriend slay demons.

Which still felt like the strangest thing he had ever wished he could do in his life. 

Xander had very helpfully suggested that they turn Hoya into a soldier for a day so that he’d have a special skill. 

Hoya had very respectfully declined. 

He was donut guy. Donut guy got to kiss his girlfriend and wasn’t covered in bruises so sex was pretty nearly _always_ on the table (unless he’d spent too many hours in the gym with Dongwoo and Woohyun). Donut guy wasn’t in danger and made sure the kids were well-fed and weren’t in danger so the heroes could be heroic.

Donut guy fell asleep on the Summers couch and woke up when it was nearly ten o’clock.

He walks to the kitchen and throws his easy-chili ingredients into the crockpot on the counter and left a note with quick instructions and a heart. The girls usually took their post-patrolling showers here before devouring whatever food they could find. 

When he leaves the house, he turns on the porch light and is sure to lock the door behind him just in case.

And strangely enough, he gets into a bizarre fight with a drunk guy rambling about there being three moons a block away from home. Idiot even bites him on the arm which was more gross than painful. Him smelling like booze and vomit and all.

Sungjong is sitting on the living room couch watching some truly disturbing Japanese horror film. They watch the end and then go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour since Sungjong has decided not to skip the last week of school like everyone else. 

Jia teases him about the black eye for exactly twenty minutes the next day. His day crew starts to tell him about every single time any one of them has ever had a physical altercation (one story about egg nog and a soccer mom is too ridiculous not to be real and there’s a scar from the stitches to prove it) but the conversation quickly dissolves into ‘stupid things I’ve done while drunk’ which makes the day pass by pleasantly quickly.

 

 

About seventeen days later (someone makes a timeline at some point and that’s why he knows this) he wakes up in the middle of the woods, naked as the day he was born with a nasty taste in his mouth and Sunggyu leaning against a tree nearby with a superior expression and a pair of shorts tucked under his arm.

_For fuck’s sake, hyung. What did you do?_


	2. Chapter 2

Hoya spent the majority of that day living in blissful and complete denial. There seemed to be an odd taste of fur lingering in his mouth and a few times he caught Sungjong muttering darkly about bunny rabbits, but falling asleep in the middle of the woods while in the middle of patrolling was bound to leave some after-effects. 

Maybe Southern California just tastes like uncooked rabbit meat at night in the summer. 

He’d never been camping before. There was no way to prove or disprove that theory. Or, at least, it was no less crazy than Sungjong’s malevolent theory.

Which was obviously an elaborate prank.

Unfortunately, Sungjong was so personally devoted to this particular prank (after waking Hoya up at five in the morning in the middle of the woods) that Hoya decided to pick up that extra shift with the weekend crew since he knew Xander was a little short-handed lately. Around 10 he had to turn off his phone because the constant haranguing from Sungjong was just getting ridiculous.

While at work with the refreshingly down-to-earth weekend crew, men with three year olds or living in their mom’s basement or working on their degree in mechanical engineering or just wanting the extra cash, who knew they lived in a weird town but pegged everything to gang turf wars and weird home-grown drugs (guess that century with a demon for a mayor really instilled a deep sense of avoidance in the local population) (that Hoya was in no way emulating). There was no discussion of demons or vampires or primordial beings or Slayers. Just guys hanging out in the sun being guys. 

The weekend crew only worked from 4-12 (no one really minded that Hoya popped in a couple hours late) so afterwards Xander drove them to pick up some truly disgustingly greasy tacos for the girls at the Magic Box for lunch. 

Where Sungjong and his leggy girlfriend were lying in wait.

He dodged them by throwing a bag of tacos at Minha – who dug in happily and flapped away Sungjong’s whispered admonitions with her hand, force-feeding him some chips and allowing Hoya to duck into the training room and do a few rounds of kick-boxing with Jia. 

He was getting better at not dying and she was getting better at her form – according to Sungyeol who had picked up a taekwondo class and was dragging Myungsoo along with him as much as he could. Hoya wasn’t really sure how a month of taekwondo classes made Sungyeol an expert on kickboxing, but Jia and Buffy nodded very solemnly whenever he came into the training room with pointers. (Hoya believed they were humoring him, but everyone was being a bit more gentle with Sungyeol and Woohyun lately so that wasn’t all that weird. He just hoped this wouldn’t all go to their heads.)

Also – and Hoya was pretty open about this part – the post-workout, middle of the afternoon shower sex was probably his favorite part about this whole ‘I’m a Slayer’ thing that was happening with his girlfriend. 

Which meant that most of his day was pretty Sungjong-free. Work, workout with Jia, shower sex and a nap, and then it was nearly six o’clock and the question came: patrol tonight or lay around in the apartment / make dinner for when Jia came home / help the kids with whatever project they were working on?

There was a disturbing amount of glitter in the girls’ living room and the threat of Sungjong and Minha waiting to pounce him with their prank in his, so Hoya was doubly glad when one of the guys from the dance team asked to use the studio set aside for Dongwoo and Hoya that night. Dongwoo had made waves in the small UC Sunnydale dance department and he was offered a scholarship shortly after the recital earlier this year – that one where Dawn passed out and then rewrote reality in her dream with the help of Her. One of the perks was that Dongwoo had his own practice studio. It was small, but air conditioned and sound-proof so they could practice at any time and not disturb anyone. Since Dongwoo had been more absent lately than not, Hoya had offered the studio up to other dancers who wanted some private practice time (quietly, they were still doing their best not to alert the administration to Dongwoo’s absences). 

Hoya kissed Jia good luck on monster-slaying and she pinched his butt playfully as he walked away.

He arrived at the dance studio just as twilight was starting to break in the distance and found in the studio one very pissed off Sungjong.

For the sake of argument – and since Sungjong had gone through all the trouble of setting up a camera in the highest corner of the room with a motion sensor (fucking kid was a genius and Hoya would never get used to it) and providing Hoya with a pillow and sleeping pad – he figured, might as well let himself get punk’d and then this whole practical joke would be over in the morning and he could go back to being donut guy who had afternoon sex with his girlfriend and maybe was thinking about being an architecture major. Minha looked bored and restless, which to Hoya meant this game Sungjong was playing would be over as quickly as it had started. So he drank the chocolate milk Minha handed him with a smile (not realizing that there was a heavy sedative in it, though really he should have guessed) and curled up on his mat to sleep.

Once, just a few weeks back, Jia had teasingly suggested that they film themselves having sex. The only thing more uncomfortable than watching oneself have sex, Hoya learned the next morning, was watching yourself – in the company of a very self-satisfied teen and a very bored immortal creature – go through a complete physical metamorphosis. 

Luckily, the sedative Minha had cooked up was more than a little supernatural, so he was pretty much just a very fluffy looking sleeping mound on the floor the entire night ( _We figured you didn’t want to like… destroy the studio or anything_ ), but there was no denying it now.

Lee Howon was a werewolf.


	3. Chapter 3

He learned, first, that there is a contingency plan for everything; and second, that there is no contingency plan for if he doesn’t get the donuts. They all stand around awkwardly staring at him for a few minutes before Xander finally cleared his throat and asked if everyone ate the donuts already at the same moment that Buffy narrowed her eyes and said something along the lines of _How could you not know?_ and that’s so bewildering that Hoya volunteered to step out to get everyone donuts and coffee which makes him feel more relaxed and he can see the tension in Willow’s shoulders easing and there’s something there they didn’t tell him. 

Except, Minha pointed out, it’s the third day of the full moon, sunset is only thirty minutes away, and all the donuts are stale at this time of night, it’s really better if someone (not Hoya) goes on a taco run. And then she looked down at her nose at Xander in a way that made Anya nod with a half-smile and Willow bristle and Sungyeol ignored all of that to start debating very heatedly with anyone who would listen about the finer merits of the various taco stands around Sunnydale. 

In the end, Xander and Sungyeol were sent off to get tacos (with explicit instructions from both Anya and Fei that Hoya was pretty sure were contradictory) and Hoya was shuffled off to an old mansion that was equipped with far too many cages and chains to have ever belonged to a human. When he pointed this out Buffy blushed and Spike fell into a coughing fit and Willow rolled her eyes and continued whispering to Fei about somebody in Nepal and whether it was safer to send Hoya there or just Skype. 

He opted for the cage over the chains because, weird, and also because Sungjong began a long exposition about metamorphosis and bone density that he didn’t really want to hear the end of. Minha perched on a chair near the cage and handed him the same sedative from the night before with wide eyes. 

“Will you save me some tacos?” he asked her as his eyes began to droop. 

Minha looked him straight in the eye and with no hesitation at all said, “No.”

As the world got fuzzy he realized that in all of this, Jia hadn’t said a word or come with them to the creepy old BDSM mansion. Maybe they could film the second half of their home porno here, he thought. 

“I can’t bite you anymore,” were the first words he said when he woke up the next morning, naked and chilly, and grateful that it was Jia’s face on the other side of the steel bars and not Sungjong’s or Woohyun’s. 

She smiled warmly, worry in her eyes, “Damn. I guess I don’t love you anymore. I was only really interested in your teeth.”

They kissed through the bars of his cage and he doesn’t like to think that there was something romantic about a Slayer in love with a werewolf, but then their General was shacked up with a vampire so maybe there was enough romantic irony in their weird little family already.

The first thing he learned is that there is a contingency plan for everything and that this isn’t the first time this has happened. Willow sat them all down at the Summers dining room table and told them haltingly about an ex who was a werewolf and all the girls get very emotional – except Minha who laughed in all the wrong places and then fell asleep curled up in Sungjong’s lap halfway through the debriefing. In all of this, Hoya found a moment to be grateful that his twerp of a scary little brother found a girl equally as scary as him to fall in love with and tried to communicate to Sungjong that through raised eyebrows across the table, but it only made all the Slayers and witches think that he wasn’t taking this seriously enough and so he was left alone for a while to _think things through_. 

As if he had a decision to make. 

Jia held his hand while a guy named Oz somewhere across the world talked at him about meditation techniques and anger management through Skype on Dawn’s laptop, but most of it went over his head. What he wanted to ask – what he wanted to know – is what this made him. Was he the donut guy or the werewolf now? No one seemed to be able to give him an answer. He was more than nothing and less than an asset. It wasn’t like they could take a wild werewolf with them out into the field and aside from a stronger sense of smell, there didn’t seem to be any permanent change to his person. 

Although, Faith pointed out helpfully during either the third or fourth conference call later in the afternoon, everything in Sunnydale was different now so it was possible that maybe he’d be more of an asset over time. Oz rolled his eyes and went on a lecture that Hoya missed the beginning of and made no sense tuning in halfway through. Sungyeal started talking about how cool it would be if he could slash out like Wolverine all month and fight side-by-side with Jia which sparked a comics debate with Xander that they flung into the kitchen as best they could but eventually included both Oz and Ruby and derailed the entire debriefing. 

Somewhere between being likened to Wolverine and a Marvel vs. DC debate that he knew no one would win, Hoya slipped his hand out of Jia’s (who was talking earnestly to Willow about werewolf dating habits) and walked calmly out of the house. It was nearly seven o’clock on a Monday night which meant that Suji was nearly done with her Physics study group and Min had only about an hour of free time before Monday night Karaoke at the Library started and if he wasn’t at the apartment to make sure the two of them ate something green that day, they’d eat taffy for dinner from the librarian’s stash. Monday nights was also Sunggyu’s laundry day when he cleaned all the towels in the house – otherwise there would be a molding incident or Myungsoo would start stealing them and hoarding them under his bed – and since Sunggyu was off pouting with Faith and Ruby for the third time that month, someone else needed to deal with the towels. Hoya had a sneaking suspicion that Sunggyu was leaving on these three-day weekends with Faith just so he wouldn’t have to fold the towels and had half a mind to just put all the dirty ones on his bed. 

But that wouldn’t exactly be fair to Dawn and above all, Hoya was respectful of Dawn. 

She was the scariest person he’d ever met after Sungjong and Minha, except he was sure she’d kill with kindness while _they_ would lord it over you the entire time that they were plotting your demise. 

Getting home wasn’t hard, it wasn’t that far away, Hoya woke up Myungsoo and force-fed him, Suji, and Min salad before sending them off to the library to socialize with a promise that they’d wait for Jia to walk home with them after dark. He turned off his phone, gathered up all the towels, cleaned the kitchen, checked Min’s Social Studies homework, rescued a live pigeon from Sungyeol and Woohyun’s room, packed lunches for everyone for the next day since no one was home yet and in light of impending doom lunch-duty had fallen to him more often, and fell asleep on the couch watching _House Hunters: International_. 

In twenty-eight days they’d stick him in a cage for three nights and he couldn’t bite Jia’s inner thigh anymore – which was a serious bummer – but he was the donut guy. And donut guy fell asleep on nine on the weekdays and woke up to a tired, sweaty Slayer draped over his chest at three in the morning. 

So not much had changed, really.


End file.
